Creative Arts
Making things with your hands as a way to settle a nervous system that will not switch off. No skill needed, and nothing you make gets judged.
Somewhere in between, I disappeared.
For years I was an art director at one of the biggest advertising agencies in the world, and at the same time I was raising my family. If you have ever worked in advertising, you know there are no real working hours. Late nights, weekends, deadlines, constant pressure.
I kept going through my first pregnancy, and then through my second. I kept performing. Wake up early, get my daughters ready, rush to work, perform all day, then come home and switch straight into mom mode.
I had to be present at work. I had to be present at home. From the outside everything looked fine. People probably thought I had it all together.
A quiet pull I couldn't ignore.
One day I realised I was completely burnt out. And in the middle of the burnout, something kept nudging me toward yoga. I had never done yoga. Nobody around me was doing yoga. There was just this quiet pull.
The problem was that I had no time. Or at least that is what I told myself. Eventually I bought an online course and promised myself thirty minutes every day for one month. That was it.
I would wake up early before work, go into the living room, press play, and follow the class.
Pause, and take a deep breath.
Then one day, in the middle of a session, the teacher said pause and take a deep breath. Such a simple sentence. But I remember taking that breath and feeling my whole body soften.
For the first time in a very long time I felt calm. I felt safe. I felt present.
And that is when it hit me. I was never tired because of how much I was doing. I was tired because I was never really there for any of it.
